The Wedding Report
"I will," my cousin said as the judge asked if he took the woman standing next to him to be his lawfully wedded wife; to have and to hold; to love, honor and cherish; and all the rest of the things that people say but in fully half the cases turn out not to mean.
Not, "I do." But, "I will."
Any time soon?
They told me it was going to be a non-traditional wedding. What did I want? The whole thing lasted less than ten minutes and whatever traditions they omitted, I did not miss. I once arrived 15-minutes late to a Catholic wedding (after staying late at the party the night before), missed the vows yet had to sit through an interminable service that someone else there later described as "a big long commercial" for the church.
I hope it's not an omen that the bride and groom, both lawyers, had to fight a fit of giggles as they recited their vows on the green lawn of the rented estate serving as the venue. I mean, if they're not going to take it seriously, why should the rest of us who dragged ourselves from varying distances away (nearly 700 miles in my case) to grace their nuptials with our presence.
They probably wanted to get straight to the drinking in deference to my uncle, a 330-pound invalid alcoholic and the groom's father. It is a testament to his manipulative abilities that he cannot walk yet he never has trouble keeping his drinks coming. That's some serious enabling. For Christmas I'm going to get him a cup-holder for his wheelchair.
But I had gone not for the family drama but to see two lives united in one love and to enjoy one of the few occasions in which we go out of our way to celebrate our lives while we are still living.
It was just a bonus to see that other people in my family are even more screwed up than I am. Ha! If they're going to mistake "freelance reporter" for "famous journalist," who am I to disabuse them of such a notion? Really.
My own marriage is not imminent. Right now it is not even a remote possibility and might never become one. I do not need to marry for status, standing or to fulfill requirements for a trust fund. I do not need to produce an heir for any reason other than to guarantee an audience for the family documentary I'm working on.
If I meet a girl, fall in love and by some fluke she seconds the emotion, I will happily stand before God and everyone to declare my undying love for her.
"I do."
Not, "I do." But, "I will."
Any time soon?
They told me it was going to be a non-traditional wedding. What did I want? The whole thing lasted less than ten minutes and whatever traditions they omitted, I did not miss. I once arrived 15-minutes late to a Catholic wedding (after staying late at the party the night before), missed the vows yet had to sit through an interminable service that someone else there later described as "a big long commercial" for the church.
I hope it's not an omen that the bride and groom, both lawyers, had to fight a fit of giggles as they recited their vows on the green lawn of the rented estate serving as the venue. I mean, if they're not going to take it seriously, why should the rest of us who dragged ourselves from varying distances away (nearly 700 miles in my case) to grace their nuptials with our presence.
They probably wanted to get straight to the drinking in deference to my uncle, a 330-pound invalid alcoholic and the groom's father. It is a testament to his manipulative abilities that he cannot walk yet he never has trouble keeping his drinks coming. That's some serious enabling. For Christmas I'm going to get him a cup-holder for his wheelchair.
But I had gone not for the family drama but to see two lives united in one love and to enjoy one of the few occasions in which we go out of our way to celebrate our lives while we are still living.
It was just a bonus to see that other people in my family are even more screwed up than I am. Ha! If they're going to mistake "freelance reporter" for "famous journalist," who am I to disabuse them of such a notion? Really.
My own marriage is not imminent. Right now it is not even a remote possibility and might never become one. I do not need to marry for status, standing or to fulfill requirements for a trust fund. I do not need to produce an heir for any reason other than to guarantee an audience for the family documentary I'm working on.
If I meet a girl, fall in love and by some fluke she seconds the emotion, I will happily stand before God and everyone to declare my undying love for her.
"I do."
posted by jack at 9:53 PM
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