The Tab

I traded e-mails back-and-forth with Sarah most of the day yesterday. I'd like to say it was flirting but it was really more of an exchange between two people both used to getting in the last word.

It started when I set myself up for another rejection. I had to do a freelance gig after my regular job last night that would put me near where she lives. Wednesday afternoon I wrote to suggest that she let me spend part of my freelance fee on feeding her dinner.

She didn't disappoint. Or she did, depending on your view, because she was busy and couldn't do it. She wrote back that she'd take a raincheck -- again -- then rattled off some of my offers of food and fun which he has not taken and finished with, "i got a nice tab going here, don't i?" (She charmingly dispenses with capital letters when she writes.)

Replied I Thursday morn:

I dunno... better check those coupons to make sure they don't have expiration dates on 'em. ;-)

Or something.

How did the games go this weekend?

I've mentioned Sarah's beach volleyball passion before. She had some big tournament she had to drive an hour away for. Turns out rains had ruined the courts and the event had been "CANCELLED" (OK, so she doesn't always dispense with caps), which she found out after she drove all the way there.


That is the first time I have heard of an event being called on account of bad sand. That was a lot of driving for little reason. Good thing gas prices aren't pushing $3 a gallon or anything.

Competitions for me lately have consisted of wrestling with various home improvement projects, with "wrestling" being a more literal description than I'd like. That TV hasn't gotten any lighter over the years and while drilling pilot holes before putting screwing in the braces for the window blinds is not a requirement, my sore hands might have appreciated it. (Note to self: Next time you buy a home, buy one of those electric screwdrivers too.) Installing a new kitchen faucet would have been a snap if there hadn't been all those pipes and the undermount sink in the way. Or if I had two more elbows (preferably reversible) on each arm.

She wrote back that the tools in her house went unused when she moved in, at least by her: "i just asked people who know how to use them to do stuff. (hang curtains, pictures, assemble furniture, etc.)"

Jack: Being pretty has its perks. ;-)

Said Sarah: "Really? I'll have to ask my pretty friends. I've found that feeding people is a good incentive too." Uh oh. Did you notice it? Capitalization. This cannot be good -- just like when you were a kid and mom called you by your full given name. She appeared not to like the suggestion that people will grant her favors because she is attractive. C'mon. Someone is going to give up a Saturday to hang curtains in her house because she has plied them with pizza? I wasn't going to say that. I did consider telling her that she ought to round up some of her volunteers and have them install new mirrors in her home because if she doesn't know that she's pretty the mirrors in her home are obviously broken.

I did NOT consider apologizing. It was not my mistake if she was offended by the sentiment. Instead:

Oops! The attempt at a compliment appears to have fallen short.

It's true that I haven't seen you in a while but I have a photogenic memory. I never forget the pretty ones. You certainly qualify.

I agree: Food works too.

At that point, I had had enough. And it was time to go do that freelance gig that started the whole exchange. How my possibly offended friend would digest it, I wouldn't know at least until this morning. If she had something to say, she'd get the last word.

She did. In my In-Box this morning: "Awwwwwwwwww - thanks!"