Dr. Jack

I come home from the beach today to find an e-mail from a friend detailing how her sex life has nosedived since she had a baby earlier this year. Part of it is the mental as well as physical recovery from childbirth that she says takes women longer than the oft cited six weeks "even if they don't have to wait for stitches to heal. (TMI? Comes with the territory!)," she writes. "Matt" is a selfish lover, she frets, a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am type who wants her to talk dirty as they have quickie sex on the couch while she wishes they would make love gently in bed.

She wants my perspective on why men are such dogs.

Yes, people, this is irony: Someone whose last relationship was three years ago is asked to counsel two people who sleep next to each other on how to have more sex.

Still, "Dr. Jack" replies:

Don't worry about TMI. The subject endlessly fascinates me if for no other reason than the knowledge might come in handy should I ever marry. How's that for selfish!

Which brings me to why my perspective might not help you much. I have operated under the theory that if I could figure out what a woman likes in the bedroom (or on the couch) and do that, she'd give me as much sex as I wanted. I even like the cuddling, which I realize makes me completely odd. While not purely scientific, my field studies have shown that the theory holds up in practice. More research on the matter is needed, of course. Much more. If my home builder will ever finish my new lab... er, home, I will attempt to schedule more trials.

You women, delightful creatures as you are, are wired strangely. One woman I dated became intensely aroused if I scratched the back of her shoulders. She absolutely loved it! Another went crazy (in the "if you do that one more time I'll rip off your pants and do you right here on the restaurant table" kind of crazy) if I stroked her EARS! I'm sure you have your erogenous zones and it sounds like Matt hasn't found them yet. That's a shame, especially since my research indicates that most of you will volunteer this information. All I have to do is pay attention and I can piece the puzzle together, which is fun by itself. As John Mayer sings, "your body is a wonderland." Mmmmm.

Men are not that complicated. Reach down and pet "Trousersaurus Rex" and I'm a happy boy. No science needed.

Maybe Matt is having trouble understanding that your arousal works differently. He probably also reaches for "the goodies" because they're extremely hard to resist. The way my mind sees it: You have magic between your legs. That's all there is to it. Your breasts are similarly mesmerizing wonders of nature. I do not know why.

Someone who has not had a relationship in three years is not qualified to tell two people who sleep in the same bed how to improve their sex life so I won't try. I will say that you have as much right to be treated they way you want when it comes to sex as your husband. If there are issues, they're not just yours. With any luck Matt realize that it is in his interest to pay more attention to yours.