Overheard Inside My Head

"So what was she like in bed?"

"Just like she was the rest of the time -- only naked and horizontal."

Call

My mother, whom I had called Friday, forwarded the following e-mail to my brothers and me Sunday:

A man called his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?"

"Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."

The son said, "Why are you so weak?"

She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."

The man said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"

The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."

Its subject line was "Call." Did I mention that I had called her only Friday? I replied: Anyone so anxious to hear from her children who doesn't have the good sense to call them deserves to starve.

Overheard Inside My Head

"Don't try to hold in a sneeze. It's not good for you."

"Eating cake and driving too fast aren't good for me, either, but I'm going to keep doing them too."