Having Trouble Grasping the Wisdom Here

Laws in at least two states would require women wanting abortions to get an ultrasound and have a doctor explain what the images show first.

Oklahoma's legislature has passed — and overridden the governor's subsequent veto — and Florida's is considering a similar bill.

The bills enjoy strong Republican support. I just wonder if the party claiming to want less government in our lives is at least a little disquieted by a government mandate that someone to get a medical procedure that they don't need.

I know that most people can't talk about any issue even remotely connected to abortion without having to debate whether it should be legal or not, which is not my aim or interest.

However I do wonder if the GOP supporters have thought this through. Many of the women who seek abortions do so because they can't afford to raise a baby. Children of poverty — and of women who didn't want them — generally don't grow up to become Republican voters.

iDon't Believe This

Not much explanation needed, except to say that this adds a whole new meaning to the phrase "rock out."

The OhMiBod.

Overheard Inside My Head

Dude, if you're going to make an argument, make an argument. Don't just jerk off on your keyboard and hit 'send.'

On the Ledge

they found the actor
naked in his bed
he was unresponsive
lots of pills near his head

Dating Resolve

I occasionally take space here on the blog complaining about my dating life, or lack thereof. I thought the problem was obvious: I don't put myself into positions where I can meet the kind of women I want to date. Apparently that's only part of the problem. It seems that women are looking for fixer-uppers.

I stumbled across this column in a Philadelphia newspaper offering women a list of dating resolutions for 2008. Dump any guy who doesn't have a job or a car, the writer advises. Don't date boozers or married men.

Women need a newspaper columnist to tell them this?

Some Things Require Professionals

The following ad appeared on Tampa's Craigslist:

A canvas for a tattoo artist
Date: 2007-11-07, 9:49AM EST

Good morning all I am looking for a new or current tattoo artist that wants to build their portfolio further. I have lots of idea for the tats I want but I cannot afford to get them, I am willing to be tatted for your portfolio and sign a release so that the pics can be published. If you are interested please contact me @ hesterfan35@yahoo.com. Thanks a lot.

Yes! I want someone to alter my appearance with permanent ink, applied by needles -- NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY! I can't afford to pay a professional so I invite amateurs to make mistakes I get to live with for the rest of my life!

This is not a pair of pants. If the design is flawed, you don't take them off and return them. You live with it. If you want free tattoos, you deserve what you get. And you deserve the lifetime reminder of your stupidity.

Overheard Inside My Head

I can't make you happy any more than I can make you love me unless you have already decided that you want these things.

Overheard Inside My Head

"So what was she like in bed?"

"Just like she was the rest of the time -- only naked and horizontal."

Call

My mother, whom I had called Friday, forwarded the following e-mail to my brothers and me Sunday:

A man called his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?"

"Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."

The son said, "Why are you so weak?"

She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."

The man said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"

The mother answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."

Its subject line was "Call." Did I mention that I had called her only Friday? I replied: Anyone so anxious to hear from her children who doesn't have the good sense to call them deserves to starve.

Overheard Inside My Head

"Don't try to hold in a sneeze. It's not good for you."

"Eating cake and driving too fast aren't good for me, either, but I'm going to keep doing them too."

My Alcohol

Most of us need a little comfort to help us get through the day. A salve for the scrapes and cuts from all the things you run into trying to get by. Some people take pills; some people drink beer; some seek solace in Marx' "opiate of the masses." I'm not religious; I don't take drugs and I don't drink.


This is my alcohol. I know it's bad for me. I know if I could cut junk food out of my diet, I could have the six-pack abs I've always wanted. Heck, if I could stop eating cake, I could have a lot less indigestion.

But when the daily grind becomes suffering enough, it's hard to volunteer for more of it. So, yeah, it's bad for me, especially when my gym is closed for renovation. But today it felt pretty good.

Why Not Stop Watching?

I came across a web site called FOX Attackers today. A bunch of people who hate Bill O'Reilly yet apparently can't stop watching his show on Fox News Channel are organizing a campaign directed at companies who advertise on O'Reilly's show.

"This is not a boycott," the site says, which could be because the boycott hasn't worked out so well since the site organizers themselves can't bring themselves to turn the channel. "We are simply calling advertisers and informing them about FOX."

What are they going to say? "Dear company: You should not advertise on Fox News Channel because we are upset that Bill O'Reilly has a television show. Nevermind his commanding ratings lead. You don't want all those people as customers anyway."

Ah, and isn't that the problem? As long as there are viewers, advertisers will care less about Fox's agenda than that of the protesters.

I don't have cable so nothing on FNC offends me. But I distrust anyone who would take the time and effort to try to get rid of it. What are they trying to keep me from hearing? Or, more likely, why should I join the cause of people who are apparently too stupid to understand how a TV remote control works.

I'm glad we can get information told from different viewpoints, even if I disagree with them. I read the Wall Street Journal and listen to NPR. And I figured out all by myself that Bill O'Reilly is not worth my time.

Personals

Uh oh, I've been perusing the craigslist personals again. Does this one look like a winner?

Reply to: pers-368963497@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-07-08, 12:11AM EDT

Hi, I'm a single Asian female, 28 years old, 5'6" 110lbs, fit, active. Professional. Enjoys traveling, dining, cooking, reading, rock climbing, hiking, camping. Looking for a single professional male between 26-40 for ltr.

If you are easy-going, college-educated, driven, and goal oriented guy, I look forward to hearing from you. Please write and tell me something about yourself. A pic is welcomed in your response but certainly not a requirement.

Please do not write if you are looking for a one night stand, a fling, married, or otherwise attached.

---

Hi!

I've seen your ad before, which probably means it was written by a computer and not a person and that I will soon find my inbox swamped with spam for Viagra and porn. Seems, though, I'd need only one or the other, no?

If you are a real person, my apologies for not offering a more elegant opening. My cynicism gets the better of me sometimes. Yet I still watch sappy movies with their Hollywood endings and would like to believe in the possibility.

About me: 41 (Just out of your range but look at that picture. Do I look 41?), 5'8", 175 pounds, fit (workouts work), college-educated (I even graduated!), artistic (I've made short films and composed music on guitar and keyboards) and sometimes overly fond of parentheses.

I'm neither married nor seeing anyone, though I do have a cat, which some people consider as much of a turn-off. I don't smoke or drink, but the not drinking thing is not for moral, religious or court-ordered reasons. I'm not a big clubber but I do like to dance and I can do karaoke sober, though you might want to drink heavily before listening to it.

I work a regular job in marketing (boring) and some freelance work in television (interesting) and though I'm not wealthy, I also don't owe anyone any money. I am an avid letter-writer, as you might have noticed, who greatly enjoys reading replies.

Yours will be welcome.

Jack

Overheard Inside My Head

"I didn't like that movie," she said.

"It's film noir. You're not supposed to like it."

---

"Why are you depressed?" She asked.

"The same reason everyone else is," I said. "My life sucks."

Pro Life?

Some jerk with a "Choose Life" license plate cut me off at 80 mph on the Interstate yesterday. (Note that this person is not necessarily a jerk because he has a "Choose Life" license plate. It's probably coincidence.) If this idiot loves life so much, why is he driving with such a careless disregard for mine?

Maybe the sanctity of life applies only to the unborn. If he's like many people who oppose abortion, this jerk supports capital punishment. (Note that he's not necessarily a jerk because he supports the death penalty. It's probably coincidence.) Being against abortion but for capital punishment I don't get. I mean, what's the death penalty, really, except abortion applied retroactively?

Seems to me you have to be consistent on the matter of life and death.

Archbishop Crows

A Catholic archbishop in St. Louis quit as board chairman of a children's charity because abortion rights supporter Cheryl Crow will perform at a benefit for the charity. Read the full story on either Yahoo news or USA Today's web site.

My question: What does the Archbishop care about children, anyway, now that people have gotten so touchy about Catholic priests having sex with them?

Imus

I'm a little late jumping on the Imus mess here but there's an aspect to it that I haven't seen anywhere else yet so it's still new whatever the timing. Not that it matters. My statcounter tells me that I finally shook off the last straggler who kept coming back here looking for something. Now that I have no readers I'm back to writing entirely for my own satisfaction. It's a lot like jerking off, except with less cleanup required.

Anyway, back to Imus. More specifically to the Rutgers women's basketball players that he maligned maliciously enough to lose a $10 million a year job. Wow! That's some serious offending.

You're still waiting for the part of the story you haven't heard yet, I know. And here it is: This incident sets the cause of women's basketball back 20 years. Why? Because in going so far to portray the Rutgers players as defenseless victims in this, all women's basketball players come off looking like, well, defenseless victims.

That would have never happened had Imus called the Rutgers men's team "a bunch of nappy-headed thugs." (Luckily no one reads this blog so I won't get in trouble for saying that. Even if someone stumbled across it, I don't make any money from it so I have nothing to lose. And it was just a hypothetical anyway, jerk.) I'm not sure it would have gained any notice had Imus insulted men instead of women.

Male players are public figures who ask for pretty much whatever abuse they get in exchange for the limelight and (often) the dollars that follow (yes, even in college). Yet the Rutgers women's players were just innocent girls, completely undeserving of such ridicule. They're just out there trying hard, playing their little game -- isn't that cute! Women's basketball certainly isn't something anyone takes seriously enough that it raises the players to the level of celebrity that makes them fair game for any unfair scorn heaped on them.

Perverse as this sounds, that's bad for gender equality in sports.

Rules of Christianity

And I thought I was going to borrow an R-rated movie from my local library. But when I go to check out, the librarian unlocks the case and looks at the disk inside. It's upside down. She's determined to check the label side and I see why when she turns the disk over to reveal a label that reads "Books on CD -- The Bible."

Oh, funny. Someone has replaced the sinful movie with my shot at salvation.

Lemme see if I understand this. A Christian can't watch a movie that contains sex, violence or swearing in it. But stealing said movie is perfectly OK.

Duly noted.

Alarm

I woke to a siren blaring from the hallway. As I tried to figure out how an ambulance could have parked outside my bedroom door, I realized it was just the cat reminding me I was late with her breakfast.

What Does She Feel Like Now?

I came across this item explaining how a TV news anchor in Philadelphia caught flak for saying she "sometimes feels like a retard" on the air.

Granted it's not a polite term but I'm trying to figure out exactly who should feel offended if she calls herself a retard.

On the other hand, I can see how retards would consider it offensive to be placed in the same intellectual class as a television news anchor.

Cubicled

"Oh, butt f*ck me with a chain saw!"

Ever have the urge to yell that in the middle of your office at work? Not to anyone in particular, just as a general comment on the state of your world.

After roaming free for about a year, my full time job now keeps me confined to a cubicle. I still do freelance work on the side but now the work is steadier -- steadier than I want sometimes -- and, oh yeah, includes health insurance.

I do a lot of my work on the Internet, some of it even related to my job (ha!). For this I have to log in using a username and password. My boss set up at least one of these accounts using her own name rather than the company's. The password is her dog's name. It used to be her daughter's name but apparently some miscreant cracked that code and she had to change the password to something nobody would possibly ever guess.

My boss is not a bad boss. She lets me alter my work schedule to accomodate my freelancing, for one thing. So I'm not complaining. It's just that whenever I sign in to an account having to type her name, it reminds me of Saddam Hussein having his own picture on Iraqi money. This, of course, was back when there was a Saddam Hussein and people in Iraq had money.

Again, I'm not comparing my boss to an evil despot. Or even a benevolent one, which might be a flattering description of most bosses. Instead, I wonder what a psychologist would make of her using her own name the same way a dictator tries to make his image ubiquitous so that people subconsciously feel like, hated as he may be, they owe their lives and livelihoods to him.

Dear Flyer/Ad Distributer

Hi,

I found litter with your company's name on it in my community. Don't worry; As soon as I noticed it, I quickly went door-to-door to pick it up for you. You may rest assured that I see any more, I will immediately remove it again.

But it would save my time and your paper if you would stop littering our community with it.

Best wishes,

-JACK