Furniture

My new leather couch and chair arrived last weekend. When I told a friend I was getting leather, she said she told me not to: "That's so cliche." I explained that I wanted leather because the cat seems not to like smooth surfaced furniture.

As I hoped, the cat has not found them an inviting claw-sharpening venue. Therefore I haven't had to take the cat to a claw-removing venue to solve the problem. I gave the old couch and chair away. No, I'm not really that generous. My ads trying to sell them drew no response so I finally gave up hoping to get money for them. I wrote in the ad that they had cat scratch damage (and provided a close-up picture) but that neither piece had ever been "urinated, vomited or -- I'm sorry to say -- copulated upon."

The first person to reply said that the ad was "hilarious." She's a schoolteacher by day, a bartender by night and smoking hot all the time. She came from California with a guy "friend" and lives on swanky Harbour Island. That could be why she needs free furniture. After twice not showing up when promised to pick up either piece, she finally came for the chair and said she'd come back Saturday for the couch. Saturday came and went but the couch did not so I e-mailed another woman who inquired about them. She was going to come Saturday night but called to say that her female "roommate" had to go to the hospital so could they come tomorrow night?

I can't give this stuff away! I'm thinking. But the happy couple, all better (it was a muscle pull or something) showed up the next night and carted off the couch. Next day, the first girl writes back apologizing and asking if I still had the couch. I did not, I replied, "a very grateful lesbian couple took it last night." Perhaps it has been copulated upon by now, if whatever lesbians do to each other count as that.